This Is Emotional Word Vomit and I Have No Title

I've learned from past bad experiences to not share much of my personal world online, I've been stalked and all that. I had to delete all of my internet accounts and start fresh with a new randomly created email/username completely unconnected to my actual name. Fun, right? But I have this blog I'm trying to make a permanent thing, so I should probably explain more about my ghosting than "some shit hit the fan so I had to take some time to wrap my head around it".

I'm just going to put a giant Content/Trigger Warning on this. This turned into more than a simple "hi" post. If you're emotionally and/or mentally impacted by the health and loss of a beloved pet, please be aware that's in here. If you'd still like to read this post but skip the triggering content, use your search function (to avoid accidentally viewing the content!) to find "END OF TRIGGERING CONTENT".

If you've paid attention to my ramblings, you'll know that I have four dogs. Manatee, Nikita, Zeus, and Skädi. Zeus has been our glitchy baby since I had to help deliver him because he was too big to come out of his mum, which pretty much turned me off of ever having a biological child because I don't ever want somebody getting that personal with me during something like that. Our vet from Georgia was not a very good vet and didn't catch Zeus' underlying problem and just diagnosed him with chronic ear infections and a bevy of allergies. The amount of medications Z is on is close to mine. Our new vet here in Florida has been trying to help us with him and we've recently learned that my Dumbledork has several tumors in his head that can't be removed. So, taking into consideration exactly how badly all of us are going to react to this, we are scheduling his leaving this world for the end of March when my mum's school has their Spring Break. In addition to Zeus being our beloved 'Dumbledork', Zeus has been a rock for my brother who has a plethora of medical issues, including autism and paranoid schizophrenia. My brother has been unmedicated for the past 5 years and he's had Zeus as a constant companion the entire time. I'm worried that losing his best friend will bring back the Not Nice version of my brother.
I am trying very hard to keep it together and get things done blogwise, but I just keep looking at book dates and thinking "Zeus won't be here for this book's debut" or "that's Zeus' and Nikki's birthday, he won't be here this year so we'll have to figure something special out to distract us." and "oh, that's my brother's birthday. He won't have Z for it this year."


I had made tentative plans to attend the Space Coast Book Lovers Convention this June since it's the weekend after my birthday and what better way to celebrate turning 30 than to go to a book convention, right? I know, I've mellowed A LOT with age. My twentieth birthday party included a Texas sheet cake and a food fight involving said cake and ice cream with my boyfriend and our friends. Anyways, luckily, I hadn't bought my tickets before we talked to the vet, and I'm not out $75 and however much I'd have spent on gas and my stay at a hotel.
Anyways!! I have a hardcore planner for this year, you know those giant fantastical things you can buy at Michaels or Amazon to try to keep track of all of my medical things and my brother's stuff and my mom's school schedule and all things bookish. I've had to move my book schedule around to play catch up on when everything went sideways over the holidays and January. Look at that planner. It's sparkly and it plays on my #OperationBeautiful lifestyle and it weighs just under 2lbs!!

I'm also in the process of changing primary care physicians because I've decided I actually don't have to sit through monthly 15 minute appointments of verbal abuse from a hypocritical arse who doesn't listen to a single thing I say and just wants to harangue me over my weight and tell me how that's my only actual problem. Yeah, I'm not paying for that. Sorry. Byeeeeee.
And my medical centre changed software over the holidays and they've lost bits and pieces of files. Including mine. So I might be having to redo some tests I've already done (please, gods, not the MRIs!) and I had to refile my HIPAA paperwork when I was in for my neurologist appointment. Y'all. I had to do my HIPAA papers after my neurologist appointment where they administered the first dose of my newest addition to my migraine cocktail. Aimovig. I was so 'seasick', Manny forced me to sit down before I fell down. Have y'all seen the commercial? So inclusive! I got it on the 8th and so far, I've only had a couple of migraines in comparison to my near constant barrage that was Not Pretty Nor Fun. I'm pretty in love with Aimovig.
I'm putting together a couple reviews right now, one for scheduling (sorry, I can't tell anything more) and some of the ones I had planned to do in January. I'm actually reading a couple books at once and consuming numerous sticky notes to make note of things I want to use in my reviews. I feel so responsible.
And now I must go find links and images for said reviews.
Until next time, darlings, have a happily ever after.

No comments

Post a Comment